Majority of you will not have read this post on tumblr.
It’s a post about Susan after Narnia. But more than that it’s a post about the power of a woman, a queen who knows that a woman is ruler of her own body, that a woman uses what weapons we have available to us, that it is not about vanity, it is about power. It is about knowing the cost of war and knowing how to stop a war before it even starts. It is about being strong no matter the tragedy you have faced, it is about standing up for what you believe in and that being a strong woman does not make you anything less. It does not make you sinful to know the power of lipstick.
I’ve read it before, I read it regularly because it’s nice to remember my own power. Sometimes we forget that we all have power inside us, we all have strength.
There was another reason I read it today. Shortly, I had hoped tomorrow but if I’m honest with myself I might take another week just to get everything ready, but I will be launching my new website, my new attempt at taking over the world…I mean what? *shifty* The name, Entice the Mind, and one thing I need to be is confident in myself, confident as a woman, and not to feel the years of society telling me that being a woman who is confident in herself, in her body and yes, very much in her sexuality and desire, is a sin. It is not. Susan lost Narnia, but it seems we all like to believe she didn’t lose herself.
As so often happens in my brain when I’m trying to work on stories already under way or get out replies for my writing/role playing….I end up with a new idea that isn’t really helpful at all to what I am writing. But I got it out and here it is….
There was darkness in her heart, that did not mean she was without goodness though. She was not soulless and she did not roam the realms inflicting misery upon the weak or the innocent. She was a force to be reckoned with if you earned her anger.
She was not the kind that many men would fall in love with, nor the kind many women would aspire to be. They feared her, they feared the empowerment she felt as her skin glistened with the blood of her victims. They feared the pleasure she took from taking the life of those she deemed wicked. She was fierce, she was confident and she was unapologetic. She was darkness but she was not without honour.
This was the first thing on my Facebook feed when I got online this morning. I haven’t seen this movie since I was 14 or 15. It was one of the ones we had to study for English class. I don’t know if it’s the same overseas as it is here when you study movies in English class but they do their best to ruin a perfectly good movie. We watched in so many times, and by watch I mean, play a scene and then study the philosophical and metaphorical significance of why in this scene we see the birds take flight. I remember liking it the first time we watched the movie through, giggling at the scene where they talk about how they walk… but by the end of studying it I was pretty sure I didn’t want to see the film for some time. I guess another 15 or so years is long enough.
That ramble wasn’t actually why I started this blog post but memory kind of got away from me. You know what I’m like, and now I’m tempted to wax lyrical about my old desires to become a teacher, history or English and how I’d want to teach English class just a little bit different.
Anyway, the point I was going to make that has gotten buried somewhere in my brain now and I can’t recall just what I was going to say, was about wooing with words. It’s something I think I forget somedays, in the haste to get an idea down, to write a reply, I forget that I’m meant to be wooing the reader, be it male or female, I’m meant to be helping them get lost in the words and the images, fall in love with the characters, the places and the storylines and I have nothing but words to do it with. I don’t always choose the most elegant or thought invoking way of saying things, sometimes I forget I am wooing, and when I think about it, the scenes where I am trying to woo and make the reader fall in love…those are the scenes I usually get the most feedback on.
So note to self as I write today (either Babypire or Fae’s Revenge…which either way means my beloved Jaidee gets some writing time)…where was I…oh right, as I write today I have to remember that I am writing to make the reader fall in love, to woo them, to make them get lost in the words, in the worlds, to swoon, to sigh, to be unable to leave, to be unwilling to leave the story. I must woo better than any Prince Charming is capable of. That is my goal as a writer, to make the reader fall in love.
She wanted to be strong. She wanted to stand up for herself. She got labelled a bitch by some, she lost friends that she thought were true because they couldn’t just walk all over her anymore. She got called names, she got talked about. It was hard. It was cruel but still, she wanted to be strong, she wanted to stand up for herself.
She had a kind heart and people abused that. She was a generous soul and people used that. She was loving. She was soft and she was gentle and the world was hard and cruel in places and people were cruel and abusive. Not all people, but more than it seemed was needed. Her heart ached because it seemed that people turned hard and cruel because of how they were treated, because they weren’t strong enough to overcome without becoming broken.
She wanted to help them all, she wanted to give them chance after chance, no matter how they treated her she didn’t want to give up on them and she didn’t want them to dislike her.
It went on, the years passed and her heart grew sore, her soul started to fracture. She couldn’t go on without breaking. She was going to change…for the worse if she didn’t stop, for the better if she was strong enough to act.
So she changed. She grew her wings. She flew above those who kept pulling her down, who kept pushing her down. It was tiring and her wings hurt. It was hard work and it would have been so easy to drop back down, but she had to keep flying if she wanted to get anywhere.
People wanted to squish her like a bug, people wanted to rip her wings off, but some people, some people smiled to see her beauty, some people marvelled to see her fly and some people blew gently into the air to help her soar.
She wanted to be strong. She wanted to stand up for herself. She stood up for herself and found she could fly.
Sometimes it’s hard to know who is a reason, a season, a lesson or a blessing. Sometimes it’s hard to know when to let go. Sometimes it still hurts after you do, as freeing and positive as it might be. Even the toxic people can touch our heart and it’s okay to give ourselves permission to miss them. It’s okay to take time to get over their loss, even if you were the one who pushed them away or threw them out the metaphorical window. (The cops tend to frown on throwing them out the real ones.)
It’s hard to do the right thing and take those people out of our lives, especially when there was fun and there were good times, but we owe it to ourselves to be healthy, to do the healthy thing for ourselves and those around us. We deserve better than to be hurt or poisoned by those who are toxic and/or happen to be garden variety psychopaths or sociopaths. Sometimes it’s hard to see people for what they really are..
I’m rambling again. So instead of me rehashing again let us raise our glasses (real or metaphorical) and say good riddance to bad news. I’ll drink to that.