Amy Grant – Baby, Baby
I’m taken with the notion
To love you with the sweetest of devotionBaby, baby
My tender love will flow from
The bluest sky to the deepest oceanStop for a minute
Baby, I’m so glad you’re mine, yeah
“So, last night was a bit of a disaster…”
“I thought nothing of the sort, Luv. As a matter of fact, I came here to ask you out again…”
They do not recognise she is hurting each time her lungs inhale and exhale, how every breath feels like a dozen stab wounds.
— Nikita Gill
One more step and I won’t have to hurt ever again
Becky knew something was wrong the moment she opened her eyes. This wasn’t her room in the castle. This was her place at…what was her name’s? Colleen? Only it was messier than it had been. The wallpaper was peeling and there were dents in the wall. Her head hurt, and her body ached. She felt like she used to when she had her episodes.
What was going on?
Where was Caelum? Where were their children? Where was…everyone?
Becky got out of bed. She was thin, thinner than she had been after she got out of the hospital. She checked her phone. The date was right, everything else was wrong. Her contacts list had no one in it that was meant to be part of their life. Her bank app showed an account in overdraft.
This was all wrong. So wrong.
Becky dressed quickly and ran from her room and her house. She had no idea where she was heading to. Caelum, her husband. She was heading to him. But where would she find him? She started with the boarding house where he had been staying but he was not there. The Landlady had never ever heard of him. She went to the mechanics where his car had been fixed. They had nothing on their books for him.
Everywhere she went she found no trace that he had ever been there.
People looked at her with disgust and judgement. She had no idea why. Sure, her clothes were not anything fancy, but they had no holes in them and she was clean. Still, everyone looked at her with loathing in their eyes.
Caelum had come from Maine, maybe if he wasn’t here then he was there.
Her bank account went further into overdraft, but Becky got to Maine. She travelled to the coast and she found the little town that she knew he had lived in. She went to the bar where she had met him before she had known him.
And she found him.
She found her husband in the arms of some blonde bitch. Caelum looked happy with his arms around her and everyone celebrating them.
Becky’s heart was breaking just looking at this. Caelum was with someone else and he was happy about it. Hell, everyone around him was happy about it.
“Caelum, what are you doing?” A woman screamed at Caelum and Becky realised it was her. He looked at her and there was no recognition in his eyes.
“Lady, I don’t know who you are but you’re kind of ruining the toasts here. I’m only getting engaged once and I don’t need it ruined by some anorexic drug addict. Someone get her out of here.”
“Sure thing, Cuz.”
“George?” Becky looked into the eyes of someone she knew so well and again was met without a hint of recognition. “George, it’s me. It’s Becky.”
“Sorry, lady. I don’t know how you know us but you’re ruining things.”
“Ruining things. My husband is with some blonde slut and I’m ruining things.”
“Yeah, okay crazy lady.” George lifted Becky easily off the ground and carried her outside as she struggled to get down. He dumped her onto the ground outside so hard that it hurt. “Stay the fuck away from my cousin and his true love. If you come near the wedding, I’ll have you arrested.”
Becky didn’t reply. She couldn’t speak. She could barely breathe. She took great big breaths and they still did not seem to give her enough oxygen. She was trying to cry, and she couldn’t. She wanted to scream but her breath wouldn’t let her.
That was the man she loved with all her soul and nobody cared let alone him. He was marrying someone else. He wanted someone else. And everyone wanted him with her.
Whatever was going on Becky couldn’t stand it. The bard was near the edge of the pier and Becky just wanted to throw herself into the ocean and drown away all this pain. All she could see in her mind was Caelum with someone else. She tried to close her eyes, pushing her fists against her eyes. All she could see was him with someone else. His happiness with someone else.
Who cared if she died now? Who gave a damn about her if Caelum wanted someone else. If all he wanted with this blonde and a happy life of wedded bliss with her. Becky did not want to live in a world where it wasn’t her. Where she wasn’t his one and his only. She wanted to be the reason he was happy. She wanted to be his smile. She wanted to be the one he was in love with. The one he got excited for. The one he wanted to share his heart, his body and his life with.
He didn’t care anymore. Or had he ever cared? Was it all in her mind, a wonderful dream that someone cared about her and loved her. That she was important.
It had to be a dream. As if she could ever be number one to someone. As if the little fucked up weirdo could ever be the reason for someone’s happiness.
No. That all had to be a dream because she could turn her head right now and see them together. It was all to see, surrounding her, overwhelming her mind. She did not matter. She was not wanted or loved or needed. She was alone and unimportant.
Becky pushed to her feet and stumbled forward across the roadway and into the carpark the boarded the water edge. It was not much of a drop down to the water, the cold dark water that would swallow her up into oblivion where she would stay unimportant, unloved and unneeded.
She turned back for a moment and saw all the happiness. She wanted that, she had made believe it was hers. But it had been a dream. A lie. She was not loved.
Her soul was shattered beyond repair with this knowledge. All she needed to do was take one more step. One more step and she would never again have to see him with her. One more step and she would never feel this painful stabbing in her soul because she was not loved. One more step and it would be over. No more pain. No more heartache. No more them. One more step and he would have the happily ever after he clearly wanted and was meant to have. One more step and she would be a forgotten mark on his happiest day.
I don’t think you ready for this jelly
I don’t think you ready for this jelly
I don’t think you ready for this
‘Cause my body too bootylicious for yo babe